Monday, February 22, 2010

Why Dating Sites Don't Work

LonelyMan: Do you know why dating sites do not work?
HappyCouple: No, enlighten us.
LonelyMan: Because,
  • 1) No one is serious
  • 2) they do not have enough people
  • 3) they are too impersonal
  • 4) No one responds
  • 5) they do not have who I am looking for
HappyCouple: My goodness! That is a lot of generalities and complaints. Let's review each reason why dating sites do not work for you. Just for the record, we (HappyCouple) met online and eventually got married. We did not find each other on our first attempt at online dating so I can see where you might be discouraged if you are new to dating online.1) You say, "No one is serious". That is much too general a statement for something so big as online dating. You have every sort of person and interest out there. If you say "no one" is interested try a pay dating site instead of a free site. When someone pays a membership fee to use the service they are more inclined to be serious and participate.
2) "They do not have enough people". How many do you want to date? If you have a specific type of person in mind such as Catholic, Jew, Christian, interracial or whomever, then you should join a site specifically for that type of person. There will naturally be fewer members but more selective and better for you.
3) Concerning online dating sites you say, "They are too impersonal". By "they" I assume you mean your prospective dates. Review your profile. Are you including all the information necessary to let them feel comfortable contacting you? Everyone wants to have a close match in personalities before they take the next step in contacting, chatting or dating.
You have to sell yourself (best foot forward and all that). Make sure you can live up to your hype and do not deceive! Did you use a good picture of yourself or did you copy someone else? Does your profile say what you think women want to hear or is it really you? Remember, until you have a few hours of chat / phone time together you are a stranger. It is up to you to make your prospective date feel comfortable with you so do not be impatient.
4) "No one Responds". Make sure you know the contact policies of your particular site. You can usually browse for free but join to make contact. If you have joined then the people you are trying to contact may not want to respond or may no longer be participating in the site. Move on. The right one will come along.
5) Reason #5 you say that dating sites do not work is "They do not have who I am looking for". Do you really know who you are looking for? Write own the top 3 characteristics that you really want in a person (drinking, likes kids, Asian, etc.) and maybe 3 that you do not (drinking, likes kids, Asian, etc.). As stated there are many dating sites that are targeted for specific people. The big general sites will also help focus your profile and search to get you to the right person fast.
One thing I would like to mention. How is your attitude?
LonelyMan: What do you mean?
HappyCouple: I mean why are you dating? Are you looking for a one-nighter or a lifetime commitment? Neither is wrong but you need to know what YOU want and are looking for before you can find someone with the same mindset. If you go into online dating depressed thinking that it will somehow pull you out of your depression you are wrong. In the end you get out of dating and relationships what you put into it.
LonelyMan: So I will keep smiling and keep trying.
HappyCouple: Atta boy! Hang in there.
To get started dating right now go to Best Dating Sites and look for the site that best suits your needs. For Dating Over 50 sites go here.

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