Are you tired of the dating scene? Sick of superficial interactions? Do you leave dates and singles events feeling more lonely and discouraged than ever?
You probably already know this. The dating scene doesn't work. So don't take it personally. You are set up to fail before you even show up.
When singles meet, they don't really see each other, they talk but don't feel heard, reach out but don't feel connected. There is so much judging, assessing, impressing, withholding, deciding, wanting and needing going on that no one is really being with each other and there is little space left for authentic, joyful, intimate relating.
Does this sound familiar? Someone looks at you and you look at them and within two seconds you have already decided whether or not you are going to see each other again. You go through the motions of a flat, dishonest evening anyway, pretending you don't notice or feel the obvious. It is so uncomfortable that you wonder afterward why the heck you bother venturing out at all - you'd have more fun at home in your bathrobe on the couch watching TV!
There are many reasons why dating doesn't work. I am listing some of them here:
1. Your list of what you want in a partner prevents you from actually "being" with the people you meet, so relationship can't develop.You have a relationship with your comparative list instead of a person. Also, checking each other out keeps you in your head and out of your heart where love lives.
2. You are so busy trying to impress each other that authenticity goes out the window. Relationship can't build when people are hiding, pretending, trying, etc. Relationship flows when people are honest and real.
3. You think who you see on a date is who the other person really is. But it isn't. So you miss out on who this person could be or might be. People are not rigid and fixed.
4. You think how they are now is how they always are and always will be. But people are not rigid and fixed.They are ever changing and evolving and becoming.
5. Judging and loving can't exist in the same space so there is no way to feel or develop love with someone you are judging. When you judge someone, you lock them up into your story about them. Real love lives inside no story.
6. Your fear of getting hurt or creating another failed relationship produces anxiety, which has you act weird.
7. Finding a partner is futile. Relationship is not a thing to find.
8. Wanting a relationship prevents you from having one, so unfortunately, the more you long for a relationship, the more relationship can't show up. Wanting and having can't exist in the same space.
9. Your identification as a single person keeps you stuck in a single mindset; from here, you cannot be in relationship.
10. You feel victimized and hopeless in the relationship department, expect to be disappointed and are, because whatever you expect to see you get more of...
11. What you think you want is not really what you want and that keeps you from getting what you want.
12. You are incomplete with a previous relationship. You carry old baggage and projections with you into each new interaction. You feed undesired experiences with your attention on past incompletions.
13. You show up to "see" how you "feel" about this person like a passive observer in a movie. You do not go out on dates with intentions or creation in mind.
14. Both people on a date are trying to get attention and acceptance and both don't get any because no one is giving any. No one provides what is desired.
15. You define your relationship too quickly. You attempt to decide whether or not you are going to get married on the first, second or third date.
16. You think dating is different from being in relationship.
17. You think you can't experience what you want in relationship without being in a relationship.
Wayned Dyer said, "We don't get what we want, we get who we are." If you aren't getting the relationship you want, it is because of who you are being. And everything I have listed here points to a way of being that keeps you from creating relationship.
It doesn't have to be this way. You do not have to wait until you find a partner to feel love, intimate and happy. You can learn a whole new way to be in relationship with the people you date that is rewarding, fulfilling, intimate and nourishing....
How? Shift who you are being. Take on a relationship mindset. Learn a new paradigm for a relating that has dating show up as an opportunity to be in relationship now...
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