Everyone loves to say that you are the love of my life. But don’t you think that we loose our individuality in this process.I personally have a feeling that that every person in life fall in love once, or many times over and we often say that you are the love of my life. And, after falling in love, we never assume anything. It comes from the heart and we assume that loving someone means we should completely lose ourselves in love. But do you think you are the love of life means loosing Individuality? Shouldn’t we think that it will hard to make a comeback if we end up completely losing ourselves and our ways to an extreme point.
Too often we think that when we love, the singular ceases to exist and it’s all the other person and the plural “us”. It always happens that “we” that exists means that now, every minute should be spent with each other. For a while we seem to forget that the singular is a very important source of survival for us
.
I always believe that you are the love of my life does not mean we surrender who and what we are . My point here is that we should not go to that extent that where we have nothing left to nourish our own individuality. This happens because we completely surrender ourself to the opposite person. You are the love of life doesn’t mean that we should leave our storage empty. From my point of view we should realize our mistakes that we make by falling in love and forgetting that it all begins with the individual.
You are the love of my life is you and me, keeping each other feel comfortable and beating the odds. There is no give and take here.
Tips About Relationship
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
What to Do If you Happen to Fall in Love With Two Men at the Same Time
Author: Mailcucan
if you are finding yourself torn between two men, this can be a very tough time for you. You will have a lot of questions that you are going to have to ask yourself and take the time to carefully sort through them to figure out what is right for you. This is going to be something that you will have to address because it is not a healthy relationship to have.
You will have to decide if what you are doing is good for you. Is it possible for you to have a healthy and loving relationship with two men at the same time? Are you going to be able to choose one over the other? These are things that you have to think about and then you have to think about them some more. You can be in love with two men at one time, but it is not something that you can act upon without getting yourself hurt.
Top reasons why we can fall in love with two people at the same time
It is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time. When you find that you are having feelings for two people at the same time, this can be a very difficult time. You may be having some feelings of love in the same way for these two people. This is going to be something that you will have to lay out on the table in front of you so that you can see where your feelings are coming from.
It is possible to be in a loving relationship and still find yourself having feelings for someone else. This is completely normal and it may just be temporary. Maybe this other person has done something nice for you or has shown you some kind of interest for one reason or another. This may trigger some emotional feelings towards this person and you may not understand why or how you can stop them.
There may be two people that are so very different from each other but for some reason they both have caught your attention and you like them for separate reasons. This is possible and you will have to come to terms with which one is going to be better for you. You must think about your feelings for both people and why you are having these feelings.
How do I determine which one is the right mate for me?
You may wander how you are ever going to decide between the two people. You will have to figure out which person is right for you. This will take a lot of thinking on your part. You will have to figure out what it is you want to have in life. What type of life do you want and which person will be better for you. You will have to spend some time with both of the people so that you can better determine which person you have more of a connection with.
Attraction is the main reason why people want to be together. They may have some sort of physical or emotional attraction for the other person. When this is the case, you have to dig down deeper and find out if there is another reason why you are so infatuated with this person. You will need to spend time together talking and finding out about one another so that you can better determine who is going to be best for you.
How do I make a wise decision without hurting both of them?
If you think that it is best to be open with both of the people that you are attracted to, you may find that this will end both relationships. Some may not take the news that you are in love with two people very well and they may decide to make the decision for you by ending it. If this is the case, you may have some relief knowing that the problem has now been solved and even though it is over, you may feel a little more relieved. This feeling may be one that you have anticipated for a long time.
There are some people that just decide it is impossible to choose between the two and it is a wise choice to let them both go. This is going to be a hard decision to make; however, in some cases, it is the only possible outcome. You cannot string someone along and make him or her wait for you because you cannot make up your mind. You may have a strong connection with both partners, but you know that it is wrong and you have to do the right thing.
The main thing that you need to remember is that you have to do what is best for you. It is important to make sure that you have your best interest in mind. You need to put yourself ahead of anyone else so that you can have it all and make all of your dreams come true.
if you are finding yourself torn between two men, this can be a very tough time for you. You will have a lot of questions that you are going to have to ask yourself and take the time to carefully sort through them to figure out what is right for you. This is going to be something that you will have to address because it is not a healthy relationship to have.
You will have to decide if what you are doing is good for you. Is it possible for you to have a healthy and loving relationship with two men at the same time? Are you going to be able to choose one over the other? These are things that you have to think about and then you have to think about them some more. You can be in love with two men at one time, but it is not something that you can act upon without getting yourself hurt.
Top reasons why we can fall in love with two people at the same time
It is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time. When you find that you are having feelings for two people at the same time, this can be a very difficult time. You may be having some feelings of love in the same way for these two people. This is going to be something that you will have to lay out on the table in front of you so that you can see where your feelings are coming from.
It is possible to be in a loving relationship and still find yourself having feelings for someone else. This is completely normal and it may just be temporary. Maybe this other person has done something nice for you or has shown you some kind of interest for one reason or another. This may trigger some emotional feelings towards this person and you may not understand why or how you can stop them.
There may be two people that are so very different from each other but for some reason they both have caught your attention and you like them for separate reasons. This is possible and you will have to come to terms with which one is going to be better for you. You must think about your feelings for both people and why you are having these feelings.
How do I determine which one is the right mate for me?
You may wander how you are ever going to decide between the two people. You will have to figure out which person is right for you. This will take a lot of thinking on your part. You will have to figure out what it is you want to have in life. What type of life do you want and which person will be better for you. You will have to spend some time with both of the people so that you can better determine which person you have more of a connection with.
Attraction is the main reason why people want to be together. They may have some sort of physical or emotional attraction for the other person. When this is the case, you have to dig down deeper and find out if there is another reason why you are so infatuated with this person. You will need to spend time together talking and finding out about one another so that you can better determine who is going to be best for you.
How do I make a wise decision without hurting both of them?
If you think that it is best to be open with both of the people that you are attracted to, you may find that this will end both relationships. Some may not take the news that you are in love with two people very well and they may decide to make the decision for you by ending it. If this is the case, you may have some relief knowing that the problem has now been solved and even though it is over, you may feel a little more relieved. This feeling may be one that you have anticipated for a long time.
There are some people that just decide it is impossible to choose between the two and it is a wise choice to let them both go. This is going to be a hard decision to make; however, in some cases, it is the only possible outcome. You cannot string someone along and make him or her wait for you because you cannot make up your mind. You may have a strong connection with both partners, but you know that it is wrong and you have to do the right thing.
The main thing that you need to remember is that you have to do what is best for you. It is important to make sure that you have your best interest in mind. You need to put yourself ahead of anyone else so that you can have it all and make all of your dreams come true.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Be A Better Communicator
We’ve all seen them. The person who seems like he/she has a way with words in personal conversation and always gets their point across. What do they do that makes them different? How do they do it? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could do it too? Though some people are born with natural ability to communicate, you can learn to be a better communicator with a little practice.
Following is a random series of observations regarding good communicators and what you can do to be more like them:
- Smile, even if it hurts a little. A smile puts the listener at ease and in a frame of mind to listen.
- Be first to say “hello.” Greeting someone recognizes them as a person you value.
- Take risks. Don’t overly anticipate rejection as it can make you seem timid.
- Move the conversation along. Change the topic of conversation when it has run its course.
- Show you are listening. Prove you are a good listener by briefly restating others comments back to them in different words.
- Be able to tell others what you do in a few short sentences. A few words will go along way. Plan ahead and choose words carefully.
- Always use good eye contact, especially when making your first contact with people. It shows someone you are focused on and value them.
- Greet people you see regularly even if you don’t know them. When the time comes for conversation with them, you will find a ready audience.
- Look for common ground. Seek common goals, interests, and experiences with the people you
meet.
- Let others play the expert. Be ready to let someone be an expert, unless their advice or information is wrong in the extreme, and even then use tact when offering correction.
- Get enthusiastic. Have several pre-developed questions ready ask in order to show interest.
- Balance the giving and receiving of information. If things go too much in the direction of one party in a conversation things quickly become boring.
- Express yourself. Express your feelings, opinions, and emotions to others. It is OK to show a little passion about a topic.
- Ask people their opinions. Most people have an opinion about almost everything but will not share it unless asked. Be tolerant of other’s beliefs if you don’t agree with them.
- When you tell a story, present the main point first, and then add the supporting details afterward. This makes the difference between someone who tells a good story and those who do not. It gets the listener engaged and the story is in the details.
- Be aware of open and closed body language. Crossed arms and legs, diverted eyes, etc., may mean that someone does not want to hear what you have to say.
These are all elements of good conversation. They help to break down barriers and create relationships with others. Next time you are out with a group of people, try some of these tips and see how it goes. You can be a better communicator with a little practice.
About The Author:
Gordon Walter is a professional resume maker / Resume writer with Reliable Resumes. Reliable Resumes is an Resume Service providing resume writing services for Professional Resumes and Executive Resumes. He also provides interview training and articles and information about how to make a resume on his website.
Following is a random series of observations regarding good communicators and what you can do to be more like them:
- Smile, even if it hurts a little. A smile puts the listener at ease and in a frame of mind to listen.
- Be first to say “hello.” Greeting someone recognizes them as a person you value.
- Take risks. Don’t overly anticipate rejection as it can make you seem timid.
- Move the conversation along. Change the topic of conversation when it has run its course.
- Show you are listening. Prove you are a good listener by briefly restating others comments back to them in different words.
- Be able to tell others what you do in a few short sentences. A few words will go along way. Plan ahead and choose words carefully.
- Always use good eye contact, especially when making your first contact with people. It shows someone you are focused on and value them.
- Greet people you see regularly even if you don’t know them. When the time comes for conversation with them, you will find a ready audience.
- Look for common ground. Seek common goals, interests, and experiences with the people you
meet.
- Let others play the expert. Be ready to let someone be an expert, unless their advice or information is wrong in the extreme, and even then use tact when offering correction.
- Get enthusiastic. Have several pre-developed questions ready ask in order to show interest.
- Balance the giving and receiving of information. If things go too much in the direction of one party in a conversation things quickly become boring.
- Express yourself. Express your feelings, opinions, and emotions to others. It is OK to show a little passion about a topic.
- Ask people their opinions. Most people have an opinion about almost everything but will not share it unless asked. Be tolerant of other’s beliefs if you don’t agree with them.
- When you tell a story, present the main point first, and then add the supporting details afterward. This makes the difference between someone who tells a good story and those who do not. It gets the listener engaged and the story is in the details.
- Be aware of open and closed body language. Crossed arms and legs, diverted eyes, etc., may mean that someone does not want to hear what you have to say.
These are all elements of good conversation. They help to break down barriers and create relationships with others. Next time you are out with a group of people, try some of these tips and see how it goes. You can be a better communicator with a little practice.
About The Author:
Gordon Walter is a professional resume maker / Resume writer with Reliable Resumes. Reliable Resumes is an Resume Service providing resume writing services for Professional Resumes and Executive Resumes. He also provides interview training and articles and information about how to make a resume on his website.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
9 questions to ask your new lover: what you were afraid to ask, but always wanted to know
YOU wanted to ask, but you were afraid of the answers. Is he or she the one for you? What is the wildest thing he's ever done? How many sex partners has he had? Is he broke or head over heels in debt? Has he ever been arrested? And more importantly, how can you be sure?
Knowing the answers to these questions can protect your health, preserve your sanity and may even save your life. So, before you open your heart, open your eyes and your ears and learn the truth behind the new man in your life. But be prepared: The truth works both ways, and if you ask the question, be prepared to answer it as well.
"If a guy runs away from your questions, don't get discouraged," says Dr. Lauren Durant, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert in Durham, N.C. In her national seminar and workbook A Good Man is NOT Hard to Find, she compiles a list of 54 questions, arranged from most invasive to least invasive, that a woman should ask within the first three months of dating. "If you start asking questions and the guy runs away, that's exactly what you want. It sets you up to meet someone who does want what you want."
Paula Williams, a 30-something entertainment manager and business owner in Raleigh, N.C., recommends an upfront approach. Once afraid to tackle the tough questions, the single executive followed Durant's principles and has been pleased with the results. "I've gotten such positive responses from men by being more upfront, asking some of the more difficult questions, and learning about myself in the process."
So, next time, be informed before you get involved by tackling the questions that you've always wanted answers to, but were too afraid to ask.
1. Do you practice safe sex?
Whether you're having sex with your partner or not, knowing a mate's sexual behavior is a critical component of building a relationship. "If you are having sex now, or plan to in the future, you need to know your partner's sexual habits," says Dr. Durant. "You need to know if your mate uses condoms, and if so, if he uses them with everyone, or just certain people. You need to know if he's gotten anyone pregnant, or if she's terminated any pregnancies. You want to know how many partners they've had. And you want to know if they've ever been HIV-tested, and whether they would be willing to be tested with you." Experts warn singles to beware of the people who are elusive, vague or hostile when discussing their sexual history, as this may be indicative of larger issues.
2. What is your fantasy? Although there is some debate about this question (many critics citing that it redirects efforts outside of the relationship instead of within), others maintain its value depending on the circumstance. "Exploring fantasy depends on how the relationship is moving," says Eric V. Copage, author of SoulMates, An Illustrated Guide to Black Love Sex and Romance. "If it's a relationship that is solely sexual, you can ask it right away. But, if there is more to your involvement than sex, you have to be mindful of the goal of the relationship, and whether or not your partner's fantasies violate those desires. Inquire about the wildest act someone has ever done sexually, and this may give you some insight into his or her willingness or desire to engage in fantasy."
3. Are you in debt? Although it is a sensitive topic, understanding your mate's financial habits, not necessarily how much he or she earns, is essential to the success of a long-term relationship. "Even in the short run, spending habits can be indicators of character, values and personality," says Dr. Paris Finner-Williams, lawyer, psychologist and co-author (along with husband, Robert Williams) of Marital Secrets: Dating, Lies, Communication and Sex. In their book, the Detroit-based couple lists 105 questions for couples to consider before getting engaged. "People often complain about the exact behaviors that they saw before they got married, or before they became seriously involved. But they failed to investigate or ask the pertinent questions in order to truly understand how that person's habits translated into character. We encourage people to go into a relationship with not only their hearts open, but their eyes as well."
4. Why did you break up with your ex? While you don't want to spend your entire date talking about ex-partners, there are advantages to knowing the reasons behind your new lover's break-up, or in many cases, divorce. "I wouldn't recommend it for the first date, but you want to know fairly quickly if you plan to be involved beyond the immediate," says Copage. "Your lover's answer can tell you a lot about them, their character, their tendencies, how they react or overreact to different situations, what their tolerance levels are as well as their quirks." More importantly, if you don't completely address why the past relationship failed, you are likely to duplicate those issues in your current relationship.
5. What is your idea of an ideal mate? Knowing what your potential mate finds attractive is fundamental. "You need to know if you come close to that person's idea of an ideal mate," says Dr. Williams, the Detroit lawyer and psychologist who has counseled singles and couples for over 30 years. "When there is discord, the person will have a tendency to gravitate toward what they are attracted to, and if that image is not consistent with who you are, your new partner may wander off in the direction of that attraction." So, if you are dating someone new, ask that person what his or her "type" is, and how you fit into their definition of desirable.
6. Are you interested in a commitment? If your partner is reluctant to answer this question or wants to refocus the conversation, this person is not ready to make a commitment. "You should understand when you're dealing with someone who is not ready or able to respond to you on that level," says Dr. Durant, who provides telephone-coaching sessions, leading women, step-by-step, through the process of finding the right guy. "If your new lover fails to establish eye-to-eye contact, is offended, evasive or reacts in a behavior that is not consistent with positive communication, this may not be the right time, or the right person for you. Don't try to understand the rejection, just recognize it."
7. Do you have any health issues? Learning the overall health history of your new mate, including his family's medical history, is essential if you're considering a long-term relationship, or if children are involved. Given the health issues in the Black community, genetic compatibility may help determine if this is the right person for you. Ask your new partner about his family's history of cancer, heart disease, sickle cell stroke, or lupus and find out if your lover was born with any indicators of the illnesses. If they do have current health issues, you need to know what treatments they are taking, how the condition affects their diet and nutritional habits and how they plan to deal with their condition in the future.
8. What are your long-term goals? Before establishing a goal for the relationship, it is necessary to define the goals of the individuals, both personally and professionally. "It's not as important to ask specific questions, but to be willing, and able, to communicate your needs and goals to your partner," says Copage, author of Black Pearls: Daily Meditations, Affirmations and Inspiration for African-Americans. "Pay attention to not only what they say, but also what they do." Whatever the goal is, make sure that your partner is taking steps in furtherance of that objective. If your lover is interested in achieving a professional goal, but never takes the initiative to carry it out, the same may ring true in your relationship. However, once you are able to successfully define your individual goals, Dr. Williams recommends a "mission statement" for the relationship; a written agreement between the couple, outlining their desires, their interests and mutual goals for the collective unit.
9. Are you interested in having children? Knowing a person's position on having children, adopting children or accepting a relationship with/children is essential. You can't assume that because you know someone, you can anticipate how he or she will react to issues surrounding parenthood. "You simply cannot guess when it comes to some thing as important as the rest of your life," says Tarrianna Gray, a 30-something single parent in Chicago. "You've really got to get inside someone's head and find out what they really value in life. If children are not a part of his future, and that is important to you, it's better to know sooner than later, it doesn't mean that person is a bad person, it simply means they are not the right one for you."
But before exploring fantasy, fact or fiction, experts advise singles to be prepared for the answers they seek. "Despite the consequences, it is always better to know what you are dealing with, than to live in a world of illusions," says Dr. Finner-Williams. "And when you ask a question, if you really want to be certain, you should test the person and ask the question again.
Anything that is tested and still stands is worthwhile."
Knowing the answers to these questions can protect your health, preserve your sanity and may even save your life. So, before you open your heart, open your eyes and your ears and learn the truth behind the new man in your life. But be prepared: The truth works both ways, and if you ask the question, be prepared to answer it as well.
"If a guy runs away from your questions, don't get discouraged," says Dr. Lauren Durant, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert in Durham, N.C. In her national seminar and workbook A Good Man is NOT Hard to Find, she compiles a list of 54 questions, arranged from most invasive to least invasive, that a woman should ask within the first three months of dating. "If you start asking questions and the guy runs away, that's exactly what you want. It sets you up to meet someone who does want what you want."
Paula Williams, a 30-something entertainment manager and business owner in Raleigh, N.C., recommends an upfront approach. Once afraid to tackle the tough questions, the single executive followed Durant's principles and has been pleased with the results. "I've gotten such positive responses from men by being more upfront, asking some of the more difficult questions, and learning about myself in the process."
So, next time, be informed before you get involved by tackling the questions that you've always wanted answers to, but were too afraid to ask.
1. Do you practice safe sex?
Whether you're having sex with your partner or not, knowing a mate's sexual behavior is a critical component of building a relationship. "If you are having sex now, or plan to in the future, you need to know your partner's sexual habits," says Dr. Durant. "You need to know if your mate uses condoms, and if so, if he uses them with everyone, or just certain people. You need to know if he's gotten anyone pregnant, or if she's terminated any pregnancies. You want to know how many partners they've had. And you want to know if they've ever been HIV-tested, and whether they would be willing to be tested with you." Experts warn singles to beware of the people who are elusive, vague or hostile when discussing their sexual history, as this may be indicative of larger issues.
2. What is your fantasy? Although there is some debate about this question (many critics citing that it redirects efforts outside of the relationship instead of within), others maintain its value depending on the circumstance. "Exploring fantasy depends on how the relationship is moving," says Eric V. Copage, author of SoulMates, An Illustrated Guide to Black Love Sex and Romance. "If it's a relationship that is solely sexual, you can ask it right away. But, if there is more to your involvement than sex, you have to be mindful of the goal of the relationship, and whether or not your partner's fantasies violate those desires. Inquire about the wildest act someone has ever done sexually, and this may give you some insight into his or her willingness or desire to engage in fantasy."
3. Are you in debt? Although it is a sensitive topic, understanding your mate's financial habits, not necessarily how much he or she earns, is essential to the success of a long-term relationship. "Even in the short run, spending habits can be indicators of character, values and personality," says Dr. Paris Finner-Williams, lawyer, psychologist and co-author (along with husband, Robert Williams) of Marital Secrets: Dating, Lies, Communication and Sex. In their book, the Detroit-based couple lists 105 questions for couples to consider before getting engaged. "People often complain about the exact behaviors that they saw before they got married, or before they became seriously involved. But they failed to investigate or ask the pertinent questions in order to truly understand how that person's habits translated into character. We encourage people to go into a relationship with not only their hearts open, but their eyes as well."
4. Why did you break up with your ex? While you don't want to spend your entire date talking about ex-partners, there are advantages to knowing the reasons behind your new lover's break-up, or in many cases, divorce. "I wouldn't recommend it for the first date, but you want to know fairly quickly if you plan to be involved beyond the immediate," says Copage. "Your lover's answer can tell you a lot about them, their character, their tendencies, how they react or overreact to different situations, what their tolerance levels are as well as their quirks." More importantly, if you don't completely address why the past relationship failed, you are likely to duplicate those issues in your current relationship.
5. What is your idea of an ideal mate? Knowing what your potential mate finds attractive is fundamental. "You need to know if you come close to that person's idea of an ideal mate," says Dr. Williams, the Detroit lawyer and psychologist who has counseled singles and couples for over 30 years. "When there is discord, the person will have a tendency to gravitate toward what they are attracted to, and if that image is not consistent with who you are, your new partner may wander off in the direction of that attraction." So, if you are dating someone new, ask that person what his or her "type" is, and how you fit into their definition of desirable.
6. Are you interested in a commitment? If your partner is reluctant to answer this question or wants to refocus the conversation, this person is not ready to make a commitment. "You should understand when you're dealing with someone who is not ready or able to respond to you on that level," says Dr. Durant, who provides telephone-coaching sessions, leading women, step-by-step, through the process of finding the right guy. "If your new lover fails to establish eye-to-eye contact, is offended, evasive or reacts in a behavior that is not consistent with positive communication, this may not be the right time, or the right person for you. Don't try to understand the rejection, just recognize it."
7. Do you have any health issues? Learning the overall health history of your new mate, including his family's medical history, is essential if you're considering a long-term relationship, or if children are involved. Given the health issues in the Black community, genetic compatibility may help determine if this is the right person for you. Ask your new partner about his family's history of cancer, heart disease, sickle cell stroke, or lupus and find out if your lover was born with any indicators of the illnesses. If they do have current health issues, you need to know what treatments they are taking, how the condition affects their diet and nutritional habits and how they plan to deal with their condition in the future.
8. What are your long-term goals? Before establishing a goal for the relationship, it is necessary to define the goals of the individuals, both personally and professionally. "It's not as important to ask specific questions, but to be willing, and able, to communicate your needs and goals to your partner," says Copage, author of Black Pearls: Daily Meditations, Affirmations and Inspiration for African-Americans. "Pay attention to not only what they say, but also what they do." Whatever the goal is, make sure that your partner is taking steps in furtherance of that objective. If your lover is interested in achieving a professional goal, but never takes the initiative to carry it out, the same may ring true in your relationship. However, once you are able to successfully define your individual goals, Dr. Williams recommends a "mission statement" for the relationship; a written agreement between the couple, outlining their desires, their interests and mutual goals for the collective unit.
9. Are you interested in having children? Knowing a person's position on having children, adopting children or accepting a relationship with/children is essential. You can't assume that because you know someone, you can anticipate how he or she will react to issues surrounding parenthood. "You simply cannot guess when it comes to some thing as important as the rest of your life," says Tarrianna Gray, a 30-something single parent in Chicago. "You've really got to get inside someone's head and find out what they really value in life. If children are not a part of his future, and that is important to you, it's better to know sooner than later, it doesn't mean that person is a bad person, it simply means they are not the right one for you."
But before exploring fantasy, fact or fiction, experts advise singles to be prepared for the answers they seek. "Despite the consequences, it is always better to know what you are dealing with, than to live in a world of illusions," says Dr. Finner-Williams. "And when you ask a question, if you really want to be certain, you should test the person and ask the question again.
Anything that is tested and still stands is worthwhile."
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